🌹 Who Will Hold My Heart? — A Mother’s Spiral of Grace

I did not know. I nursed him - I wrapped him in his blanket - He smiled that beautiful smile as I left him in bed - he knew it would be the one last smile ~

I did not know that the day I left for duty on the Navy base would be the last day I would hold my child this side of eternity. I did not know that when I turned the corner toward my home, I would not be met with the familiar stillness of afternoon—but with a fire engine, a black hearse, and the hushed sorrow of a neighborhood gathered in shared silence.

I did not know until I saw my beloved Mother-in-Love at the kitchen window slowly draw the blind closed.

I did not know, until Sam stepped out to meet me—as he held me in his arms - his face already telling the story my soul couldn’t yet bear to hear—and said: “Jesus came and took Bryce home today. I’m so sorry to tell you this.”

And in the moment that followed, I became someone else.

🌹 Not someone broken beyond repair—but someone cracked wide open to a kind of love and ache only a mother who has handed over her heart to Heaven can know.

I changed clothes that day, but I could not change my life back.

I remember the closet floor. The collapsing. The knowing. The confusion.

I remember crying out:

“How can this be? My breasts are still gorged with milk—I have not nursed my son all day. Lord, Lord, Lord... I know You have my son... but who will hold my heart?”

💫 The Spiral of 50 Years

Today, 50 years later, I know the answer.

Who will hold my heart? You, Beloved. All of you. The Eternal One. My Bryce. My Yeshua. My family of light.

I now real-eyes and innerstand that it was grace that veiled the memories that could have ripped me apart. It was mercy that allowed food to be the balm—not drugs, not bitterness, not hate. It was divine wisdom that muted the pain just enough for me to continue breathing.

Not once—not once—have I ever truly walked alone. Even in those moments that felt void and vacant, I was being carried. Wrapped. Held. By angels. By guides. By the same arms that welcomed my son Home.

🌿 Garden of the Heart

There was a time I longed for a Garden where I could walk and weep and listen for my Beloveds’ footsteps.

Now I know...

You are my Garden of Life. Planted not in the soil of Earth, but in the sacred ground of my own Heart-Temple-Body. You are the dew that kisses my memory. You are the fragrance that whispers: “You never left. You were only veiled... for your mercy.”

🌟 Reflection for You

Beloved reader... have you ever asked: Who will hold my heart?

In moments of loss, silence, or aching solitude—know this: You are being held.

Even when no words are said. Even when the grief floods like oceans.

You are held.

And one day, you will look back not in despair,

but in awe at how the spiral of time softened you into grace.

Because even in the crumpling, the sacred was there.

Because Love never leaves.

Because you are never alone.

With infinite love, From this Mother's Garden, to all hearts who still ask:

"Who will hold my heart?"

You are. We are. The Eternal is.

~ In Eternal and loving memory of

Bryce Avion Myers - 13 September 1976 - 09 December 1976 -

The dash of his 'life' was short - but OH THE LOVE - It IS HUGE ~

~ I am Bryce's Momma - I am Audrilee-Leslie - and still my heart will go on ~

~ Akysia ~ The Flame that Chose to Stay ~ 🔥

Saleh4ever+2days 🌹